Recently in the news there is a story of a young 18-year old woman who is having a disagreement with her parents. She left home to go live with friends, but is expecting her parents to fork over $650 a week for support and to pay her private high-school tuition and college fees.
She claims she was “tossed out” on her 18th birthday, her parents are claiming she left willingly after refusing to live by the house rules – such as do chores, follow a curfew and dump the dead-beat boyfriend.
Apparently, the judge agreed with the parents, and refused to force them to continue to pay expenses for their young, spoiled cheerleader daughter.
Ms. Rachel Canning is learning a valuable life lesson.
I understand that because of such a thing as when your birthday falls, you can have a child in high-school until they are aged 18 or 19, even after they are considered an ‘adult’ by the law. It can cause some issues – it is awkward for a person to be considered a child on one way, but an adult in another.
Normally, the process of becoming an adult is a gradual one, that takes place over time. Most kids aren’t expected to change their behavior at the stroke of midnight on their 18th birthday. It’s a more gentle process for most.
However, the fact of the matter is that at age 18, a person in our culture is legally an adult. Responsible for their own actions, and potentially for their own well being and succor. If a fresh 18 year old wants to leave home and strike off to fend for themselves, there is nothing a parent can do to stop them. Conversely, there should be nothing stopping a parent from letting a child freshly turned 18 know that from that point forward the rent is due the first of every month and that mom’s kitchen is no longer open for business 24/7.
I think parents should want to do whatever is necessary for their children to turn into self-sufficient human beings. If the finances are there, paying for college is certainly an added bonus. But, as in the case of our young spoiled brat here, I think that this becomes a two-way street, usually far before the age of 18.
This is my house, these are my rules and if you wish for me to continue to support you, please be considerate enough to help carry your own weight. I don’t know what chores this young lady was asked to perform, but I’m sure it was nothing more than picking up after herself, and helping with some of the common day-to-day tasks necessary to keep a household functioning. As for a curfew – it is only reasonable when you are living in someones home that you not be out to all hours of the night, causing worry, or a disturbance when returning late. These are not unreasonable demands.
Parents should begin at an early age to teach their children how to be responsible adults in this world, paying their own way, treating others with respect, and living in the larger community as a contributing member of society. That is what a parent owes a child, and once that child is an adult, the parent has no further obligation, the child needs to assume responsibility for their own lives and move along. That is how it works.
I hope this young lady, and others like her learn from this experience. There is no free ride.